We have had multiple conversations lately

Ted and I have had many conversations lately with each other and with others that revolve around parenting.  "We didn't always do it right or perfect, but God knows our hearts that we wanted to point them to Jesus and seek to glorify God in what we did."  We remember vividly so many important parts in the training of our three chair fillers and we usually always come back to the thought "We would not change how we did it."  Facebook memories have added to this narrative pretty consistently too.  My heart runs down my face when I see these snapshots of our life.

All the formal and informal times of teaching and talking and answering questions and demonstrating and re-teaching...took time!   As Dad and Mom, we often had to slow down or stop what we were doing and bring our children into or along with what we were doing.  My heart...the day Teddy started the driving portion of Drivers Ed!  The hours Teddy spent with his Papa and Dad on Saturdays and in the garage taught him important life-long skills with his hands, not to mention problem solving skills of all sorts!  My heart...the picture Ted took as Ashlynn and I planned meals and made the shopping list for the week!  The hours of voluntary and involuntary help around the house with Mom and grandmothers.  Taking the time to include our girls in the planning of meals.  Having them with me when grocery shopping.  My heart...Alisa finding joy in baking with our little niece!  Showing them how to cook and bake.  Including them in the caring for children that we would babysit.  Making things fun...in how we did the mundane jobs of life.

If we don't teach them how to do all the things...who will?  Let me tell you...they will not do it on their own!  When you were 5, 6, 7 years old...did you want to clean up your room that you destroyed in looking for a certain toy in the bottom of the toybox?  When you were 8, 9, 10 years old...did you want to clean the bathroom that you missed and messed up?  When you were 14, 15, 16 years old...did you want to vacuum up the hair you brushed out of your head that got wrapped around the roller and stuck or mow the yard every single week?  There aren't fairies that show up and do all the work so the children who are now grown-ups can do whatever they want to do in life!  

One day, the children move out and realize there is nobody in the apartment/house that is doing the planning, shopping, cooking, and cleaning!  They better know how to do it...or they live without.  They better know how to figure out how to "un-stuck the hair" on the roller on the vacuum and not just throw it away because "it doesn't work".  They better know that cars need to be checked on more than just gas because bad things happen.  They will want to know more than just pushing a button on the microwave. 

Today's parenting style is a recipe for disaster, in my opinion.  It makes my heart hurt when I see missed opportunities that were hard for us...but so cherished now!  Ted helped me see that I was trapped in the same mindset as a Mom.  "It's just easier and faster if I do it!"  I had my reasons why...which Ted showed me there was a way to meet my reasons and still train our children to do what they needed to learn.  "We cannot get upset with them for how they do it, if we don't train them how to do it correctly in the first place!"  I am so thankful that I trusted his leadership and timing in this!  "Our children are smart and have boundless energy.  They live here and will contribute to the running of our home.  God expects us as parents to train them well...in all things!"  Ted set up a system and we all worked together from that day on till they started leaving our home.  They have taken those lessons into their jobs and homes.

Parents push children aside so they can "just get it done faster" or "I want it done right" or "I don't have time to go so slow because we have to be ....somewhere...doing something..."  Children live entitled and demanding little lives.  Which, by the way, make them not so fun to be around.  I say this based on facts, as I was in the classroom over 25 years with many children at various ages with a variety of parenting styles.  And in my opinion, it is not getting better.  Listen to the noise around you when you go out in public.  Children get tired.  They do not need to be signed up for every activity, pick ONE! 

The goal in parenting is to teach and train our children to be contributors to the world in which they live.  Our goal as Christian parents is to teach our children to love and serve out of a heart of gratitude and love for the God who made them.  It takes time...lots of time and discipline (structure, boundaries, and order that is taught as well as caught).  This does not "just happen" magically when they turn 18 years old...it starts when they are young and living in your home pulling their chairs up to your table.  Slow down and take the time to teach them well.  Most parents want their children to leave and do life well...not perfect...but ever-learning, knowing their purpose!  

Our three chair fillers are the example to the words we speak.  Don't take our word for it, you can ask them for their opinion...they can speak for themselves.