"At last a guy has taken the time to write all this down. Finally, it is the guy's side of the story. I must admit this is pretty good. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the MAN'S side. These are our rules, please note these are all numbered 1 on purpose!
1. Men are not mind readers!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat!
You are a big girl. If it is up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining that it is down!
1. Sunday sports are like the full moon or the changing of the tides...
Let it be!1. Crying is blackmail!
1. Ask for what you want! Let us be clear about this one...subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work.
Just say it!1.
Yes and
no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question!
1. Come to us with a problem, only if you want help solving it!
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for!
1. Anything we said
six months ago is inadmissable in an argument...in fact, all comments become null and void after
seven days!
1. If you think you are fat,
you probably are...don't ask us!
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one!
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done...
not both! If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself!
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors. Like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is!
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say
"Nothing", we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you do not want the answer to, expect an answer that you do not want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...
REALLY!1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as: baseball, football, muscle cars, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I'm in shape! Round is a shape."
Ted was asked by our youth pastor's wife if he would do this reading at our Valentine banquet because "I thought of Ted when I read this". Ted wasn't convinced she "knew him well enough" at all. To that I say, "...Ha ha! It was so him...which is why we were all laughing till we were crying!" My husband could have written this word for word, but alas it came from someone over the internet who beat him to it!
And from Ted and I, for all the men helping with cleanup, we are adding another point:1. Lightweight, plastic tableclothes are to be used once and thrown away. They make quick work of waste removal.