WithSomeTack: Hazards and Perks

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Hazards and Perks

It dawned on me as I instructed this little one how to cut..."This is not one of my brightest moves! It is actually hazardous to my health and well-being! Hey, Mrs. K., do we get hazardous pay?"

We cope. We cope fairly well...most days. Other days...we need big coffees...or lunch!

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Statements you don't often hear

If you will not give the Lord your tithes and offerings, you will not give Him anything else either!
In response to my telling the kids to "go find something else to do instead of watching t.v.". "Mom, that is just mean."
"Mom sat around and did nothing all day," according to Teddy...at least, that is what he told his Dad at supper!
"Excuse me for burping. Oh, the fizz tickled my nose and it doesn't feel very good." said Alisa. "Yeah, I know what you mean." answered Teddy.
"Mom, there is stuff in the washer. Would you like me to start it?" asked Alisa.

Suggestion Box

OCT: When proof-reading...read out loud and start from the bottom...or you will miss simple grammar and spelling mistakes! Do this before you publish!
OCT: Always defrost frozen whole chicken the day before you need it...you will have to start the roasting process before you can pull out the little sack of goodies from inside...and it makes a big mess! You may smell like the chicken juices that splash too.
NOV: Never put something (key to cabinet) away in anger or frustration (with, say, children) because it usually, only affects you later (two seasons, I believe). How? There is Christmas music locked in that cabinet and I can't get to it!
NOV: Is an all morning hunt, with no results, worth your sanity? And said children are oblivious to how it affects you..."Mom, you took it away...we don't know where it is."
FEB: When asking your children to fold contents of laundry basket, remember what you added and remove it yourself. Women's foundational articles of clothing can make the task take forever. Children will deem it necessary to try on and model articles for the enjoyment of their siblings...and the amusement of the woman.
DEC: Wise move...put the detangler spray on a different shelf from your hairspray...that way you do not have to recurl your hair!

What Will They Think of Next?

"I wish I didn't have talking sisters!" stormed Teddy
"Mom, your glasses kind of make you look pretty!" said Ashlynn. Well, thanks honey, I was going for the smarter look...do I look smarter? "I guess, you kind of do." sigh
Teddy was scratching his face and a little out of sorts with how bad it itched, "Mom, my face is itching, I think I am getting a beard like Daddy."
"Mom, you have some little brown hairs by your lip...you are going to look like Daddy," said Teddy. Time to wax!
While watching me work on banquet projects, the girls informed Teddy I was doing ladies banquet crafts for the chocolate fever party. "Nuh, uh, if there aren't banks, it isn't a banquet!" he retorted. (he is a little miffed he can't go)
"Dad...just do what Mom does...call them a moron and drive around them." instructed Alisa. Of course, I got the 'look' to which I retorted, "I do not drive around people!"
"Hey, guys, if you don't sniff or smell...you'll die! Seriously!" another piece of wisdom from Teddy. I think you mean breathe, son!
Ashlynn asked as she was looking at our wedding pictures, "Mom, were you afraid to get married?" No, baby, I wasn't...your daddy is the best man in the whole world!
"Mom, it hurts when I bless you." Oh, you mean when you sneeze? "Mom, bless you and sneeze are the same thing!" explained Alisa.
"Mom, we are going to God's house. You know Ash is at God's house. We go to school there!" "Nu-uh, Alisa, God house is up there!" argued Teddy while we drove to pick up Ash from school.
Alisa expressed that she "won't ever get dunked because you can't wear goggles!"
Ashlynn wants to "get dunked in the big bathtub". Umm, that is she would like to be baptized. We will first talk to her and then we will talk with Pastor...about getting "dunked" and make sure she understands!
Alisa wanted to take M&Ms for a snack at school and was trying to convince me "they don't have sugar on the inside!" (referring to the peanut M&Ms) Ask your teacher...see what she says!
Ashlynn informed me she didn't want to get married...ever. "Why?" "I don't want to get yelled at." (Ok, I know what you are thinking...we have moments and so do you!)
Hearing the phrase "you make your bed, you have to lie in it", Teddy piped up and said, "I made my bed!" (Little pitchers have big ears!)
Alisa's prayer request in class this week: Pray for my Daddy...that he wouldn't get fired from his job. She told her teacher, Daddy had two bosses. When asked their names, she said she only had seen one of them.

Overheard from the 4-6 year old crowd

"Mom, I'm going to stay plain!" said Ash. What do you mean, I asked? "I mean, I am not getting married or having babies and I will just live with you." hmmm
"Mom...don't believe whatever Teddy is going to tell you...." shouted the girls as Teddy came bounding down the stairs.
"Hey, I see Grandma in the sweat room!" said Teddy while looking out the window from the play area at the Y.
"Mom, will you inside out this for me?" asked Alisa.
"We have two girls, one boy, one daddy, one mommy, and one lazy dog living in our house," cited Alisa.
The first day of school at 10 am, Ashlynn raised her hand and asked her teacher, "Are we going to be here tomorrow ?"
Ashlynn asked, "Mom, have you ever lost weight? Does it hurt? Can you ever find it again?" QUIT MEDDLING, LITTLE GIRL!
"A tickle wickle...look, a tickle wickle!" screamed Alisa as she was swinging. I looked out and saw the little white puff (seed puff) floating in the air.
"Look, I have shiver bumps!" explained Alisa to Grampy while she ate an ice cream sandwich.
"Little Miss Muffin, sat on her tuffet, eating her curves and waves..." quoted Teddy.
"Oh look, we have cocktails!" exclaimed Alisa at supper one night. Trying to dress up their lemonade, I added a red popsicle...thanks to Sandra Lee...my kids know the word...and thanks to me they know Sandra Lee...
"Come on, Mommy, it's a sunny day, wake up!" shouts Teddy every day! I'm up but not happy about it always.
"Mom, why aren't you turning on the windwipers...it's raining!" asked Teddy.
The kids were discussing indians and Alisa let us know that girl indians wear "skirtians with their moccasins".
"Ashlynn, you are six and you know better." "Dad, I am not six yet!"
Daddy trying to ask Teddy what he was doing as he ran through the house..."Can't talk now, Dad!" (on the run to the indoor bathroom...yes, this has been a problem!)
During pm church service, Ash was getting fidgety and ornery, "My Sunday school teacher taught me all about Jesus, so I don't need to learn anymore."
Alisa was commenting as we weeded the flower garden, "We are the weed girls, Teddy is just a play boy (he wasn't helping us)."
"I goaled a score!" shouted Alisa while playing bball with her siblings.
I was proud of a shirt I bought for "just a dollar and some change". Alisa said, "Oh, you mean a rectangle and some circles!?"
Ashlynn to her uncooperative brother, "You are making the devil happy right now!"
Alisa commented that she just loves to eat skillets! (skittles, dear)
Caden asked his mommy (Mari) why she had two chins.
Teddy was not thrilled with the clothes that were layed out for him: "This shirt is ridiculous!"
Alisa asking about the ice cream social after church: "Is the ice cream situation tonight?"

Things I Have Learned (and counting)

WHEN A BATHROOM DOOR IS SHUT FOR A LONG TIME...IT IS NEVER GOOD!
Ranch dressing is not a condiment for a child, it is the entree...the entree is the condiment!
Manners don't exist at grandparent's houses...it is mortifying!
Being an adult is not as fun as we once thought it would be!
Our worst days are often repeated in child's play.
Pre-schoolers and Kindergarteners have a fascination with scissors.
A mother's purse is a child's playground.
Doing work in the garden causes broken nails, dirty fingers, and sensitive hands.
Girls...make you wait...it starts at a young age.
Boys think differently about everything!
The Magic Eraser by Mr. Clean is a great invention!
Markers are not for 3 year olds! Neither are ink pads!
Check pockets for gum, chapstick, pens, receipts, rocks, pocket knives, AND money before washing clothes.
Baking soda makes horrible biscuits! Use baking powder!
If you turn your oven to broil, accidentally, cookies will bake from the top down!